I said NO, again.

All I am going to say is good thing I am not an author, because writing an ending to a book would be so dang hard. OOF. Welcome to my brain again. 

Well here I am, over a month out… sitting in my new bedroom that is beginning to finally feel homey in Utah. Things have somewhat gone back to normal, but the reality is I have fought that. I do not want normal, and I do not want to be placed into a previous box that I might have fit in before these last 11 months. 

Maybe that was my big hesitancy or fear while I mourned the thought of not coming back to Utah. I didn’t want to fall into this amnesia thought of if this year really happened…. Or worse to fall back into the habits or tendencies I had prior to the race. 

While even writing this down to articulate my thoughts I am reminded of the feelings versus facts check with the things going on around me. 

What do the facts say around me? Are my feelings and fantasies making a universe that is false? Valid questions and concerns to check, because when looking at it the clear reality it is all different. It should be. 

I am different, you are different, things are different. We should no longer fit the same mold from last year. We should not be pouring new wine into old wineskin as Jesus talks about in the book of Matthew. We are made to adapt, we are designed to transform, we are expected to grow and change… it is a GOOD THING. 

“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins. New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved.” Matthew 9:17 

Alright, so here I am… transformed from the last year, but now what? The questions so many people have asked me since returning. 

I am empowering myself pretty much every single day with my NO. Yes, you read that correctly. I am standing firm on my quiet time, my social capacity, my boundaries, and most importantly with the discernment that the Holy Spirit is always fine tuning within me. I have said no to hanging out with large groups, I have said no to the bar scene (HUGE WIN), I have said no to serving within the walls of the church right away, I have said no to starting work right away, I have said no… to a lot of the pressures of the winds around me and said YES to being patient with God’s timing. 

I said yes to being welcomed back with open arms at my dream job again. 

I said yes to being poured into by the World Race community that lives here in Utah. 

I said yes to small hang outs/meet up rather than a large group and welcome back party. 

I said yes to new friendships that God has waved into my path with Him. 

I am saying yes to discerning and intentionally praying with Him before making big decisions.

I continue to say yes, of course, but also I am learning a lot in these no’s. 

Want to see a few of my yes’s.

So I said yes to friends making impulse trips here #AnnaStewart, to being a PICU RN again, to mountain biking & climbing, to all the hikes, to BIG BEAR HUGS… even if I cry, to Helen, to serving at YouthCamp, to camping and to Catan.

And most importantly… I said yes to writing out the Bible in chronological order. 

xoxo 

d

p.s more and more to come.