happy birthday! video + reflection

A birthday on the race, requires more than a thank you post or some photos, it requires just a little bit more than that. So here it goes. 

The night before my birthday, I remember standing in the kitchen talking to one of my best friends Noons (Morgan). She asked me if I was excited for my birthday tomorrow… and my honest response was no. 

Maybe it is the denial that I am turning 28, because I can not actually believe it. How did that little girl from Northern Michigan who once dreamed of being married and having two kids by this age instead be in Rwanda turning 28? It is insanity to reflect back on the previous perspectives that I held hard too. I mean, instead of 2 kids and a white picket fence, I have seven months of living abroad under my belt, two bachelors degrees, leadership experience, two years as a PICU RN, and… a lot of LIFE. It is crazy to think of the comparative expectations, and most days I am in utter denial.

The expectations are what get me sometimes, and thinking of where I once expected myself to be, or where others projectively expect of me. Another reason why I wasn’t the most excited about March 8th. 

I simply wanted to skip over the day; with little interest in making a big deal about it. To avoid any “expectations” I subconsciously had, but also to avoid the fact of not hearing happy birthday from the one person I wanted too. My dad. It is funny how grief sneaks in there from time to time, on the days you wouldn’t typically pinpoint as a “possible grief day”. For the first time in a while it felt like a heavy day approaching rather than a joyous celebration. Why did I put the birthday celebration on the greeting of one person? It hurt, because I actually could do nothing about it. 

I couldn’t, but my team could. 

I didn’t share this with all of them, but collectively they had other plans on how we were going to celebrate the day.The small details of a morning coffee date, fruit salad, yummy grilled cheese, serenades from one of our ministry host Luc, cake for lunch, thai food for dinner, changing my name from Dana to Jana, and lots of laughs. 

But the big one… the one that meant more than I can even put to words. These girls… let me tell you, they never seize to amaze or surprise me. Prior to my birthday, they reached out to my mom and a couple friends from Utah who then coordinated with others to send in videos wishing me a happy birthday. So over lunch, I was blown away and surprised by all of the familiar faces I saw. Virginia, Michigan, Utah, Florida, Georgia, and even some of the gals from L-Squad that aren’t staying with us. INSERT BIG BIG CROCODILE TEARS. 

I love them a lot, and I am entirely grateful that they shattered my expectations with the overabundance love of Christ. Sure I didn’t hear from my dad, but I lived out something he challenged me on. “Let others love you Dana, let them in.” I did that today Dad, I really really did. 

Check out the day in the life video for the full view of things… also count how many times happy birthday was sung to me LOL. 

xoxo 

d